Fatigue

Fatigue – a reality to face up to

It has been some weeks since I last wrote an article.

I can always make up fantastic excuses but the truth is I just didn’t feel like writing. Last Monday I wasn’t feeling too well and spent the day resting. It is during this period that I started to piece together my state of mind and reasons for not wanting to write. Here is what I discovered about myself.

Social Media Fatigue

My engagement with Social Media is limited to begin with. But I discovered that within this too I was experiencing fatigue.

WhatsApp channels

I think it began about 3 weeks ago. I exited a bunch of WhatsApp groups. The reason for each exit was surprisingly different. One school group I exited because it was getting to a point where no one wanted to abide with the rules we laid out for ourselves. We agreed to not discuss politics and religion. There were a few who openly flouted this, and the vast majority just kept mum. Religion is personal or rather should be personal. I guess as social animals we are either seeking affirmation for our beliefs or seeking gratification by ‘getting more to the fold’. I have discovered, I don’t want to do either. Another group I exited was confined to posting Newspapers from across India. The reason was obvious; I didn’t need any newspapers. There is another school group I exited simply because footage from Discovery channel was objected to. I honestly don’t know what reality we want to live in.

Delinking LinkedIn

This platform baffled me and continues to do so. This is supposed to be a channel for professional engagement. But I am no longer sure what ‘professional engagement’ means. My newsfeed (Home page) has suddenly been taken over by posts that are anything but professional. Here are the top 5 that baffled me:

1. Buying my new Porsche car using a car loan

2. Living the American/Canadian/Australian dream – holding up of passport of that country

3. My morning run

4. My last day at Chemotherapy

5. My advice on …

In themselves every single one can be argued to fit into LinkedIn’s objectives. Unfortunately, I couldn’t relate to them. These posts coupled with the slew of Webinars, Course Offers, Conference news, pleas for jobs, and I just didn’t want to look at LinkedIn any more.

The end of Twitter

I have stopped going to this platform completely for about 4 months now. The posts there are to provoke, instigate, propagate falsities and generaly confuse the average reader. I no longer care which political activist has what to say or if Bollywood/Tollywood/Kollywood or any other wood is full of saints or demons.

Instagram – instant what?

I rarely open this app even though I have an account. I found their emailers tiring because they only seem to reflect one theme that I looked at some months ago.

Conversation fatigue

I am generally social and love a good conversation. But I realized that I couldn’t have conversations at length anymore. Sometimes I felt engaged but at others I just wanted to sit in solitude and silence. Conversations can be of various types, and my fatigue was generally with all types.

Writing fatigue

I honestly wondered why I ever took time out to write. Do I have a story to share? Do I need to be a ‘Gyan Baba’? How important are likes, reads, comments especially when they come from a section of people, I know nothing about? Over the previous weeks, I realized that I was competing with myself for no reason whatsoever. I wanted to know why some articles that came from the heart received poor responses while others that were more cursory received rave reviews. I was trying to get into the mind of my readers and wondered if I ever could. I analyzed trends to see how I could gain better traction. And then I lost all interest in it. I wonder why I write. Is it because it is therapeutic or is it to listen to praise, or really help? I don’t know the answers to this. But I honestly don’t feel like writing.

I am guessing in normal times this would be less of an issue. Simple task such as traveling to work occupy the mind differently. The pandemic has changed this and, in many ways, contributed to the disenchantment. It’s time to do different things.

So why pen this post. This one is therapeutic for sure. I feel when I write, I get the thoughts out of my system. It helps me ‘empty the vessel’ of negativity and allow space for positivity to return.

Being a CEO is a fulltime job. But there is more to living than just working. Playing music is something I forced back into my life and that has helped me get over some of my fatigue. I am back to reading more than I had in the past few weeks.

If you have been reading my writing, do tell me what it does for you as a reader. I have yet to believe that an article a week is something I should be churning out because there is a good reason for it.

I feel better already. The mind is empty enough to be filled with other thoughts.